One day you’re going to find a man that will worship the ground you walk on. Do not stop until you find that man. He will love and cherish every inch of you (personality, body, mind, etc). And he will do everything in his power not to lose you. Don’t settle for half ass men.– The meme every desperate, single girl ever posts on her Facebook feed.
Let’s talk about this. I am tired as fuck of all these “worship me” because “I’m a princess” type of memes. Love and caring for someone is one thing, but worshiping the ground she walks on and doing absolutely everything in our power to not lose someone is worth a discussion.
Men are not “half-assed” for not absolutely worshiping the ground a woman walks on because it is important to not get it twisted that worshiping her, doing everything in our power to not lose her, and obsessing over her is somehow equivalent to choosing her.
It is not!
Confident men will not lose their boundaries and sense of self while showing a girl they want her and insecure men will do everything in their power, including masking their core personality and boundaries to not lose a girl because they need her out of desperation.
My life is an example of that. I should have walked away do many times, I should have said “this is a deal breaker” and went our separate ways. But I stayed because I thought it waa the loyal, worshipping thing to do. The longer I stayed the more depressed I became until I was no longer the same person I used to be. I think I was in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, but in a healthy relationship, staying in for the sake of staying in at the cost of my own suffering would have also resulted in me spiraling into a different person.
And that is the type of person that wakes up one morning and snaps that they can no longer be with this person any longer. That’s a blind siding realization that destroys people after years of “love”.
Eventually, that core personality will leak through. A man’s core boundaries and insecurities can’t be hidden forever and at some point, the very man a girl thought was worshipping her isn’t the same man anymore – that realization will destroy her.
So, does a woman truly want a guy that worships the ground she walks on and does everything in his power to not lose her if that includes being her doormat and tossing his boundaries aside?
Not unless she wants to be hurt in the long run.
Setting boundaries, discussing feelings, and putting our needs as men in the open allows us to be authentic and compromising (a key to relationships). Failing to do so by conforming to a woman’s every single need at the sacrifice of our own in an effort to worship her is just putting our feelings aside out of fear of loss. It might seem like the man being unselfish out of love, but in reality, he is breaking himself out of desperation to keep her. That is an ingredient of toxicity.
How Can We Genuinely Commit To What Breaks Us?
The difference between wanting and needing is the difference between commitment and dependency. Wanting someone without losing our dignity is the key to building that person up as our partner. Depending on another person will either lead men to be an insecure doormat full of passive anger rooted in jealousy or flip a switch and hurt her to fill his narcissistic ego when she least expects it – and both of those types of men will be quick to lovebomb a girl by kissing the ground she walks on.
Men commit to the woman we choose. Period.
If we don’t choose to commit then we aren’t genuinely committing. Full. Fucking. Stop.
Consider this. A starving man is a man of need, only on the hunt to devour the first meal in view. He does not love his meal, he depends on it. His desire to pursue is volatile as he pursues out of desperation rather than choice. A man that is well-fed pursues the meal he wants and his actions are deliberate in his desire for the meal and not out of dependency.
Which of those men is going to bow before a girl’s absolute every desire and internalize his true feelings in order to catch his meal?
In a relationship scenario, the “hungry man” bends over backward as a slave, obsesses over a woman and places his entire identity of himself in the existence of being a couple – he internalizes things that bother him, shrugs off financial imbalances as he heads further into debt to shower her with gifts, sacrifices his beliefs to conform to hers, accepts blame for things he truly doesn’t justify, never has opinion on any decision in the relationship, withholds feelings out of worry and puts everything he values aside to ensure she stays.
She perceives this as devoted, unconditional love. But is it really if he pursues only out of loneliness and unhappiness, hungry for a relationship – any relationship – to satisfy him. To lose her is to lose his sense of value. His confidence depends on her; he needs her…but if he needs her, then he isn’t choosing her.
We know this because we know that choice is the basis of commitment just as need is the basis of dependency.
As men, we have to progress toward being the best versions of ourselves before dating and loving who we are with confidence while dating so that we can choose to love consistently rather than act in desperation.
When we act in desperation to appease her – to worship her – we put our true feelings aside. That isn’t healthy. We can’t internalize that struggle forever and in the end, it will be destructive. It will be the fuel that seeks revenge.
Some women don’t particularly like to hear that calling to be worshiped doesn’t equate to finding love and finding commitment for a similar reason guys fail to accept that continuously sliding into a girl’s inbox that leaves them on read-only makes them look more desperate.
Women can’t just post memes 6 times a day about being God’s gift to men to manifest a perception of confidence and self-love any more than a guy can manifest persistently ignored messages into being perceived as appreciated pursuit rather than harassing. Women posting up their need to be worshiped are only casting a bait out for the type of guys that will break themselves at a chance to date her and I’m not so sure that’s a good foundation of love.
If I’m breaking who I am to be with a woman, I’m a poor foundation to build a relationship upon.
Breaking Isn’t Compromising
When a guy is happy with who he is, content with being single, happy with his life, has an individual identity and ultimately picks a girl from his valued options, he will choose a partner. That partner is not going to be a girl he has to bow before, worship, and conform to her absolute every wish for her to remain faithful and loyal in return.
Relationships require compromise. Expecting someone to worship you and be a doormat to your every demand isn’t compromising. If reaching a compromise in a relationship requires us to break ourselves apart rather than strengthen ourselves, sooner or later that stress will show itself horrifically.
He would rather be single than be with a girl that will suck the life from him by stripping him of his dignity and identity in her need to be worshiped.
Thus any girl needing to be worshiped will struggle to genuinely have a guy choose to commit to her, and will likely only be given the illusion of commitment by a man needing her.
Remember, if he needs her, he isn’t choosing her and if he isn’t choosing her then he isn’t genuinely committed to her.
Women are kind, funny, beautiful, valuable, and worth falling in love with – they are all of those things to someone out there. Women deserve to be treated with respect, loyalty, commitment, communication, love, and genuine kindness.
That isn’t synonymous with being a couple where all of the decisions require his input to take a back seat. A relationship isn’t being strengthened when only one person is being built up and the other is tearing themselves down.
Compromising, consideration and sacrifices are good traits of a relationship – of a partnership – but she isn’t getting a partnership if she expects a guy to submit before her without her own compromises. She’s getting a doormat!
No one really likes being someone else’s doormat, whether they shrug it off at first or not. Accepting that role can seem endearing in the short term, but in the long term the insecurity that’s accepted by becoming someone’s doormat will be replaced with frustration and anger at being walked all over.
I get it, “treat her like a queen; treat him like a king” seems like such a basic, novel concept, but it can be destructive if based out of desperation.
Desperation for love, attention or sex that causes an obsession over her in a way that she perceives as being his “everything” can easily blur the lines between appreciation and desperation.
That desperation can lead to suffocation and idolization that leads to isolation. The guy that “worships the ground she walks on” is begging before her out of neediness rather than choice and that neediness is dripping in fear.
Choosing is the prerequisite of commitment.
Desperation on the girl’s part because she is so needy of love causes ignorance to the toxicity of a guy’s immediate obsession with her.
A girl will be his everything because without her he feels he is nothing.
He will isolate her.
A girl will be his better half because he values himself unworthy of her.
He will degrade her.
He will be sufficient upon her.
He will place her on a pedestal not out of value, but out of insecurity in his comparison to her.
He will be jealous.
He will be untrusting.
He will be isolating.
He will do everything in his power not to lose her because he needs her and has put her on a pedestal he is unworthy of and at constant risk of losing to someone more valuable, so instead of making himself better, he focuses on making her feel worse.
- Putting her on a high pedestal of her beauty?
- He probably questions his attractiveness to her.
- He will worry about hot guys flirting with her.
- He isn’t going to like her out on her own.
- He will attempt to make her feel ugly.
- Putting her on a high pedestal for her intelligence?
- He probably questions his education in comparison.
- He will question her insightful conversations with colleagues as having a deeper connection.
- He will attempt to dismiss her smarts.
- Putting her on a high pedestal for her career?
- He probably feels his career ambitions are pale in comparison.
- He will loathe her higher salary.
- He will attempt to diminish her career achievements.
The problem with the pedestal is whether he has insecurities that cause him to subconsciously (or consciously) drag her down to his own insecure level. That’s why working on confidence is so important and building our worth and value is so important.
With that said, men are not “half-assed” for choosing to leave a relationship, for choosing not to immediately commit to a girl, and for not obsessing over her relentlessly, or choosing to commit to her in an unreasonably short time frame. This is the purpose of dating and it isn’t half-assed to abort what we don’t want so we can choose the one we do and put a ring on her finger.
Our perspectives on relationships, our confidence, our ambitions, our goals, our desires, our sex drive, our value of ourselves changes over time and leaving a relationship where the dynamic has changed unfavorably to our wants being forgotten as she desires her every need fulfilled isn’t being “half-assed”, it is loving ourselves enough to value our own desires in a relationship.
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