Here’s an unpopular opinion: Girls don’t want to be hurt. Oh, I know, crazy concept right?!? Yet, time and time again, I’ll see guys on Twitter or TikTok posting about how “girls don’t like nice guys; girls only like assholes”.
Certain guys seem frustrated that fuckboys are out taking women for granted and girls are out there feeling like fuckboys are just out to play with their hearts. We end up with a blanket of blame on both fronts that women must just like assholes and men must not value committment.
Is there any truth to that or is it all just a fabrication to justify our frustration that the people we want to be with don’t even view us as an option and yet are merely an option to someone else? And does having options and keeping things casual really make men assholes or is it part of a healthy journey in seeking out the one worth committing to?
First, let’s get one thing straight. There are going to be guys that lie, cheat, play games and lead women on with a promise of monogamy and no intention whatsoever of actually following through.
Those are legit assholes that ultimately end up getting girls into difficult to break trauma bonds. That said, in a lot of cases, I believe our perception that girls just like assholes and that women are fascinated by jerks is rooted more in our frustration with dating than anything else. This is causing us to toss such labels as fuckboy with negative connotations at every high quality man capable of sorting through available dating options.
Here’s the deal, though. There isn’t a girl out there that wants to be hurt. Physical attraction is a powerful force. So are trauma bonds. Listen, plenty of women get into shitty relationships and toxic trauma bonds, but more often than not I truly think our belief as men that women only like assholes is rooted in our own avoidance in coming to terms that a certain woman doesn’t want us for any other reason than blaming her for liking a guy that’s a douche bag strictly because that guy isn’t us.
We can’t always wrap our heads around the idea that a girl we idolize is just an option to another guy. So, instead of moving on, working to improve ourselves, or accepting the situation that the girl we “love” is idolizing someone of caliber or type of man that we are never meant to exist as we find it easier to throw that type of guy under the bus.
Fact is, of course you think you’re the only one capable of treating the woman you’re obsessing over with the unconditional love she deserves. Your obsession is trying to sell you on the idea no one else is right for her.
This is why we get misguided as men that her rejection of us is somehow a flat out rejection of kindness.
Kindness is a positive, attractive personality trait.
Your Rationalization of Rejection is Impaired
It’s easier to say “she just doesn’t like nice guys” than accept the truth that we’re being rejected for any other perfectly acceptable reason to reject someone.
It’s tough to accept the idea that another guy is capable of making her happy, turning her on, or *gasp* being a decent human being that might just be getting to know his available options in a slow and healthy manner. But because we idolize this girl, anybody that gets to know her slowly and seemingly casually gets cast as an asshole for not immediately seeing her value with the same intensity and jumping head first into a monogamous relationship.
Accepting that doesn’t fit the narrative you are perfect for each other, though.
Here’s another hard pill to swallow. Even if she did give you a chance, once the infatuation wears off, you’re just as capable of taking her for granted as any other guy – but we’d never consider that when we’re head over heels about someone we can’t have.
You Envy the Fuckboy You Claim to Despise
The guy you’ve pinned as just a stereotypical fuckboy isn’t the asshole you’d claim him to be.
He just realizes single women are in abundance, but you’re so focused in on this one girl that’s breaking your heart you overlook that concept to a point you begin to ooze desperation.
Does desperation sound attractive? Fuck no!
People of value don’t date someone out of pity.
High value people have options.
But instead of building yourself up as a man of value that can methodically choose from a variety options, you jump on TikTok to throw all those high value people under the bus as fuckboys and associate their non-committal lifestyle as being an asshole.
Fuck that. And fuck you if that’s you.
Newsflash! Maybe the girl you’re obsessing over just isn’t the one for you but her existence in your life is a manifestation of the qualities you should seek in another woman instead of chastising the type of men she chooses to date.
How about instead of tearing men and women down for who and how they choose to date, you recognized your worth, your potential, became a little selfish, improved your value to society and started spinning your own plates. Keep treating women with respect, be honest about your intentions, be a genuinely good guy, but stop obsessing over girls that don’t appreciate those qualities in you. Start focusing on those that do.
I assure you, once you get that bedroom door revolving, you’ll find a girl that’s going to make you wonder why the hell you were so bitter over some crush from your past.
You’re a fucking king to the right woman and somebody else out there is going to think you’re an asshole that doesn’t appreciate your ability to take your time to come to that conclusion about her and her purpose in your life.
Are fuckboys assholes? Maybe some of them, but the vast majority of men labelled as such for their promiscuity aren’t doing anything wrong at all. They just surround themselves with a variety of women who enjoy their company as they sort through the options and they seek out “the one” that stands out from the crowd.
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