Bro Code – The 76 ComMANdments

  1. If all the other guys are doing it, you can do that stupid thing, too.
  2. A bro must never own a yip-yip bitch like a Yorkie. A bro should never own a lap dog.
  3. Bros pick a sports team and they support them no matter what.
  4. To be a bro requires that you never stare at another naked bro.
  5. Bros do not send birthday cards. We text and ask our bro friends to grab a beer.
  6. Bromance before romance. Unless it is your wife or sister, you choose bros over hoes.
  7. When your buddy needs help moving a couch, you go and help move the couch. Helping your bros is what bros do.
  8. When your bro helps you, you compensate with beer. Beer drunk while helping is not compensation.
  9. If bros chip in to buy beer, the beer runner keeps the change.
  10. Eating from the same bowl of chips is allowed, eating from the same plate of dessert is not.
  11. Your bro’s sister is off-limits. Comments on her hotness; however, are not.
  12. Bros never make eye contact when Eiffel Towering a girl.
  13. Bros fight with honor without the intent to kill. Bros respect winners and losers in fights and do not call the cops.
  14. Buddies do not lather each other up in lotion or sunscreen.
  15. 15.) Bros never wear whitey tighties. Pouched briefs are the preferred underwear for bros.
  16. Buddies do not brag about how many girls another buddy has hooked up with.
  17. Bros do not grow a mustache unless part of a beard, but said mustache must not be some sort of hipster handlebar shit.
  18. Bros respect that “bros before hoes” takes a backseat at the club if another bro is about to score. Bros do not get petty if a buddy abandons them to go home with a girl.
  19. Bros always return the favor when another bro buys another round.
  20. Bros leave the toilet seat up, even if they take a shit, for their other bros.
  21. Bros do not readjust settings in another bros car when borrowing it.
  22. Bros never disclose another bros secret.
  23. Another bro’s mom is also off-limits unless it is a step-mom that’s a solid 9 and wears leopard print. In such a case, it is only allowed if the step-mom initiates.
  24. Bros only sing along to an improved list of songs.
  25. Bros do not visit nude beaches. We don’t need to visit such establishments to see naked women.
  26. Bros only use their front or back pocket to store their cell phones. Belt clips are on par with fanny packs.
  27. You cannot be a bro and also be vegan.
  28. Bros always bring enough alcohol to a party so there is at least one can or bottle left over.
  29. If a bro is losing in a video game, it always the lag.
  30. If a bro is genuinely concerned about a bro that has been in an accident, they show that concern by giving the injured bro shit.
  31. Bros only cry during funerals of people extremely close to them, otherwise crying is off-limits.
  32. If a bro is ordering food, it is required that he ask surrounding bros if they want anything.
  33. Bros are allowed to play pranks on passed out bros in good fun as long as the prank does not result in extended embarrassment outside of the bros. Permanent markers and shaving heads are off-limits.
  34. Bros do not get petty.
  35. Bros always smoke cigars at a wedding, while pretending to understand them.
  36. Another bro’s ex-girlfriend is always off-limits.
  37. A bro will always provide testimony to another bro’s awesome story if the bro telling the story has the potential to score.
  38. Bros always follow the code of urinal etiquette.
  39. A bro always talks up his buddy’s job description.
  40. If a bro catches a cold, he is allowed to act as though he is dying. The Man Flu is right up there with Ebola.
  41. Bros only tell their buddies how much they hated their buddy’s girlfriend after they have broken up.
  42. Bros are allowed 24 hours to give other bros shit after winning until the clock resets and smack talk can begin for the next competition.
  43. If bros go a period without talking as a result of a busy life, bros pick right back up where they left off without mention of the hiatus.
  44. Bros are always prepared to defend another bro.
  45. If a bro buys a car, it is mandatory to pop the hood when showing it to buddies, even if you have no idea what you’re talking about.
  46. Bros do not fuck with another bros property during disputes. Bros do not fuck with another bro’s drink or car when if involves a prank.
  47. Bros do not make rent chick flicks. If they watch one solo, they never admit to it.
  48. Bros take turns on who is the driver.
  49. Bros are not allowed to wear socks with sandals unless they are taking out the trash.
  50. Bros do not notice haircuts on another bro with the exception of a major style change in which giving shit is required.
  51. Bros do not hangout in bedrooms.
  52. Bros do not put their bros birthdays on the calendar, but they are required to buy their buddy a shot and a drink for their birthday when they realize it is.
  53. Bros do not do duck faces or glamour filters for selfies.
  54. If it is raining, bros put up their hoodies but do not use umbrellas.
  55. Bros of bros are your bros, too.
  56. Bros do not keep photos of their bros in their wallets.
  57. Bros become uncles to another bro’s child.
  58. A bro always pays up if they lose a bet.
  59. When taking a girl on a date, bros always pay.
  60. Another bro’s girlfriend is always off-limits.
  61. Bros are always prepared with a condom in their wallet.
  62. When attending a funeral, a bro always toasts with the drink of choice of the individual that passed away.
  63. Bros always film other bro’s idiocy.
  64. When a guest at another bro’s house, bros always respect reservation of the host’s favorite recliner.
  65. Bros do not leave other bros behind unless that bro is hooking up with a girl.
  66. Calling dibs or shotgun is required.
  67. If a bro catches wind of another bro’s partner cheating, he always outs the cheater.
  68. A bro does not pick out his own nickname.
  69. Bros never let a depressed bro drink alone.
  70. Bros always offer guest bros a beer.
  71. A bro always wears well-fitting pants and shirts.
  72. Bros do not give another bro shit when getting lost.
  73. Bros do not share drink or popcorn when visiting a theater – such action makes it a date.
  74. Wealthy bros must always buy a Lambo.
  75. Bros never join MLM schemes.
  76. Bros don’t do gift exchanges with other bros.

Are we missing any Bro Codes? Tell us in the comments and we’ll add them to the list.

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Hi, I spewed out all the shit you just read! I like long walks on the beach (but I'm mostly surrounded by cornfields), challenging the status quo of the dating scene, fucking all the rules of dating and encouraging men to live their best life. When I'm not trying to keep the lights on around here and raise two little girls, you can find me drinking and partying - you know the key Wallstreet success...ballin'.

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