Can a relationship survive multiple affairs?

I think the question you really have to ask yourself is “do you want it to?”

Or maybe, “why would you?”

You have this short window of time that you’re going to be on this Earth, and do you think so little of yourself in your ability to find someone that wouldn’t treat you like shit multiple times over that you’re just going ignore the idea they’ve busted your ability to genuinely trust them forever.

It’s the broken record of guys saying:

“She’s just the most amazing girl in the world – she’s kind and beautiful. She’s just the best girlfriend ever…except for she doesn’t stop cheating on me!”

I often wonder if the very reality of being cheated on multiple times sub-consciously creates the idea of insecurity that suggests to these guys that they’re not worth anything better than accepting that.

You are.

Can a relationship survive multiple affairs? Yes, but I’d also suggest that you find confidence within yourself to really consider if that’s the best love has to offer for you.

I mean, someone dead set on remaining married after multiple affairs would have to completely block the idea from their head that it was going to happen again. How do you even do that when that’s been played out time and time again.

“It won’t happen again,” she says on the 2nd time. And the fourth.

And at that point, why is she even staying with you?

I remember after I realized of my ex-wife’s infidelity, I couldn’t shake the idea that for 14 years I had chosen her every single day and in return, she left me laying in bed every night with the reality that some other guy’s back sweat had shared my side of the bed.

And those thoughts just pop into your head at the worst fucking time?

You’ll be mid-thrust and all of sudden remember that some other dude was railing your girlfriend just like you are.

In order to make it successful you have to completely ignore that you’re having those thoughts because if you get 2 years down the road and suddenly the thought pops into your head on whether she had anal with him, I can assure you it isn’t going to be constructive to bring that issue up.

Yet, that’s exactly what is going to happen over and over again. You’re going to be hard-pressed to do anything about it because she has fundamentally changed your brain’s perception of love and trust. And when that perception has changed, it means that no matter what comes out of her mouth, you’ll be left with a sliver of distrust.

You’ll be driving in the car and notice she’s holding her phone at a weird angle and you won’t be able to ignore the thoughts in your head that suggest maybe she’s hiding something. Don’t think of bringing it up, though, because that’s the very distrust in which will crumble the relationship you so strongly want to hold onto.

Assuming you do bring it up, you’ll always have that small voice in the back of your head that says she might be lying.

Why the fuck would you want to live that way?

Insecurity is a horrible, horrible thing. If it isn’t the infidelity that destroys your marriage, it will be the insecurity, except when that insecurity destroys your marriage like it did mine, you’ll be left holding the bag of guilt because “you couldn’t let it go”.

Insecurity is what makes you believe that you aren’t worth more than being someone’s second string – because if they’re fucking around you, that’s exactly what you are. You are being deprioritized and pulled from the game for someone else to take your spot.

And someone out there is willing to put you first and choose you loyally and faithfully over someone else.

I could answer this by saying “of course, relationships can survive multiple affairs”.

So too, can relationships persist with domestic violence.

A car can drive down the road on a flat tire.

Just because something can be done, doesn’t mean it is the best thing.

The idea of wanting to save a relationship that’s been plagued by infidelity just shows that you’re holding on to a level of loyalty that your partner will never be able to measure up to. You’re worshipping her and putting her on a pedestal that she does no wrong, and you think that that’s best for you and for her, but in the end, it will destroy you both.

There’s a fallacy that in order to love someone, you have to be there for them for better or for worse. I’m not convinced that it applies to someone purposely destroying your perception of love and trust over and over again.

Love yourself enough to leave her and find a girl that you deserve.

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Hi, I spewed out all the shit you just read! I like long walks on the beach (but I'm mostly surrounded by cornfields), challenging the status quo of the dating scene, fucking all the rules of dating and encouraging men to live their best life. When I'm not trying to keep the lights on around here and raise two little girls, you can find me drinking and partying - you know the key Wallstreet success...ballin'.

10 thoughts on “Can a relationship survive multiple affairs?

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