Few things in life affirm you’re going to smash than positive reception to you asking “wanna go back to my place?”. Whatever you’re doing so far is working wonders for you.
Don’t fuck this up.
Unfortunately, every girl is going to be different, which means in order to provide a definitive guide to being prepared for a girl staying the night we’ll want to over prepare. Some girls are going to want a bit of pre-makeout chit chat on the couch over a glass of wine before seeing if you have any other rooms in the house. Others will prefer you just gently kick the door behind you and seductively press them up against a wall the second you enter your humble abode.
I wish this guide could help you determine which approach to take, but you’re on own there buddy and the best I can do is make sure that you’ve got your bases covered regardless of whether she takes 45 minutes to get comfy at your place or if she’s down to get dirty once the door shuts.
As I’ve increased my “list” from bar hookups to Tinder dates, I’ve found a few things women seem to appreciate whether they stick around for breakfast or not. I’ve also learned from a few mistakes as well. So here’s my guide on being prepared for a girl staying over and hooking up from my experiences.
1.) Always Have a Bottle of Red Wine in the Fridge
I met Samantha on Tinder and we went out for Sushi before heading out for a round of drinks at a fairly fancy cocktail lounge. The night was going perfectly and with each drink she was nudging closer. As one of my first Tinder dates, I was pleasantly surprised when she was the one that hinted at staying at my place since it was closer and would be more convenient than going back to her place that was so far away.
The entire night had been sort of romantic and sensual, from high-end sushi to the $15 mixed drinks, so when she sat down on the couch and I offered her a drink, I couldn’t help but feel like I had flipped a switch on the mood when I opened the fridge to find (only) Busch Lite. She ended up being really cool about it, but these days I always keep a bottle of red wine in the fridge.
Pouring a glass of red wine and getting comfy is the perfect way to set the mood – or in that case keep the mood going. I tend to go with a bottle of Roscota Rosso Dolce Sweet Red. It doesn’t break the bank at $13, has a reasonable ABV of 7%, and is incredibly sweet. I’ve yet to have a date say she didn’t like it.
2.) Always Have Condoms
I don’t tend to go out much on Tuesdays, but I ended up at a bar while traveling home from work. I met Jordan there and she was fairly new to the area. She said she had multiple jobs, one of which was selling knives through one of those MLM companies. Before I left, she grabbed my Snapchat, and then a couple of days later she planned to head over and do a presentation for knives.
To be fair, I was legitimately assuming this was going to be an entirely professional encounter, but it quickly turned flirty and then the oddest thing happened. Jordan exited my house, turned around as I closed the door, knocked and then walked back in and began to undress.
I realize this sounds entirely like an erotic story from my imagination, but I assure you this is absolutely true. I also assure you I spent the next several weeks scared out of my mind because I decided to go bareback when I realized I didn’t have any condoms. I mean, I couldn’t not see this situation all the way through!
These days, I always have a 6 pack of condoms on hand in my bed stand. I prefer to keep them in a small box in a drawer that’s a bit more discreet than just opening it up to find a pile of rubbers. I think the box keeps them protected from damage too versus just tossed in a drawer full of random items or in my wallet. Keep in mind condoms do expire and hopefully you’ll be using them frequently enough to not have that be a problem. You can buy them in bulk or have them automatically delivered on a schedule using the UnderCover Condom Club.
3.) Buy Shampoo, Conditioner, Body Wash, and a Loofah
I think I actually read about this once and just decided it seemed like a really smart idea. See, if a woman likes you enough, she might even consider sticking around for breakfast instead of doing a walk of shame. That means, she might even want to shower before you head out together.
You might be cool with a 3 in 1 bottle of soap, but it isn’t going to fly with her. I recommend keeping separate bottles of body wash, shampoo, conditioner and clean loofah around. Keep in mind, you don’t want it to appear like you just keep women’s shampoo and conditioner around otherwise that makes it seem like you’ve either planned for her to stay the night or you have another woman in your life. This two-pack of shampoo and conditioner from Pantene is perfect since it is gender-neutral.
Avoid buying a pink loofah and don’t be dumb and buy Lavender, Cucumber Melon, or some other girly shit fragrance assuming she’ll view it as thoughtful. It’ll only make it look like you run an assembly line of hookups or that she’s showering with the stuff your ex left you.
Just grab a blue loofah and offer that you have a new one she can use. Then just keep a bottle of some generic Dove shampoos, conditioners, and body washes that are generic enough to be unisex and affordable enough to keep around just in case.
4.) Freshen Up With Wet Wipes
I spend most of my day sitting on my ass in an office chair. You can imagine the amount of sweat that just settles in my ass crack all day. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to stick my face near my sweaty balls after a work day.
Riley and I had gone on a few dates, but we hadn’t hooked up yet. She messaged me at work one day for a last minute dinner and drinks. We actually ended up back at her place that evening. I stepped away to freshen up in the bathroom and I could literally smell my balls when I dropped my pants to piss. Fuck!
I ended up scrubbing them with some hand soap and drying them off in her hand towel…
And frankly, girls have the same issue. She’s going to ask you to freshen up and pull a finger wipe sniff test to see what type of whiff you’re going to get heading down on her layers of labia.
These days I just make sure to keep some wet wipes around. I get it, you can’t be bothered to shower each and every time you might score a Gluck Gluck 9000 in the next 30 minutes, but spare yourself a moment in the restroom to wipe down your junk with a scented baby wipe. You can grab a pack of wipes for a couple of bucks and toss them in your linen closet. If you go with the flushable type, you can set them on your toilet where your date can find them. She’ll likely grab a couple for similar reasons in expectation of the Cooch Gobbler.
I highly recommend DUDE Wipes. You can pick up a pack of 60 of them for less than $25.
5.) Tidy Up Before You Hit the Town
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is to make a point of at least tossing my clothes in a hamper and putting dirty dishes away. You literally never know when you might be having guests if you’re actively putting yourself out there, so since it has to be done eventually anyway, you might as well do it routinely and avoid the awkward declutter rampage that occurs moments after walking into your apartment with a girl.
Nothing turns a girl off quite like rummaging through your living room picking up last weeks pizza and shoving beer cans into a garbage bag.
If you don’t have a toilet bowl scrubber then get one! And why the fuck don’t you already have you? You don’t want the last thing this girl sees as she contemplates spending an evening near your genitals to be a shit stained toilet. Pop that lid up before you head out for the night and give it a good scrub.
6.) Make Sure She Has a Quality Pillow
Actually, let’s make the prerequisite be that she has a pillow at all. I don’t give a shit if you have a queen bed, but if you’re still rocking a single pillow than you’re not ready for a late-night bang session.
Are you expecting her to roll over post cum shot and let her head bounce off your mattress? You can buy a new pillow for under $5, so there’s no excuse for her to not have one, but if you really want to give her a great night sleep you can pick up a pillow from Casper to give her the 5 star hotel treatment. And while you’re shopping for pillows, might as well be sure she actually has something comfortable that doesn’t leave her neck sore and leaving the next morning with horrible reviews of your sleeping arrangement.
If you want her to come back, get a decent pillow and be sure to clean your sheets frequently and replace it so she doesn’t have to lay her head on your disgusting sweat-drenched pillowcase.
6.) Keep An Emergency $20 Bill Around
Tiffany was a small town bar hookup gone wrong. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t. Clearly, I was too drunk to make wise decisions and my whiskey glasses had me making moves I’d regret upon sobering up.
Problem was, Tiffany had arrived to my place because we had taken a cab together. Getting her home would require a cab ride home. Except, in my little town of 15,000, Uber and other taxi apps aren’t available so you have to resort to a phone call and cold hard cash.
Granted, I completely regretted sticking my dick in Tiffany, but the least I could do was pay for her cab fare. Problem was, I didn’t have any cash at home…and neither did she. So I was stuck with her presumably until morning when we could, as I had apparently promised, walk back to the bar together and give her a ride home.
I didn’t particularly want to be seen walking down 1st Avenue with Tiffany, but I didn’t have much choice. Had I had $20 lying around, I probably could have just called a cab at 3:00am and sent her on her way, but instead I got the pleasure of escorting her back to my car and driving her home.
7.) Keep Yourself Groomed Routinely
Here’s the thing you have to drill into your head. You literally never really know when you’re going to be having a girl sleep over. Remember the girl selling knives I just told you about? Despite not having condoms, I had at least taken care of my undercarriage earlier that day.
Perhaps the most important part of preparing is just making sure you’re making your manscaping routine a frequent practice. Obviously, you’re not going to have time to shave your pubes minutes before crawling into bed with the girl sitting on your couch.
I understand manscaping can be a chore, which is why I like to make it part of y shower regimen. I use the Aqua Jet Razor with every shower to keep my balls smooth and ready and a moment’s notice.
8.) Have an Iphone & Samsung Charger Handy
A few nights ago I was at a girl’s house when I realized I didn’t have a USB-C charger available for my phone. Thankfully I had a good 30% left to get me through the night, but it got my thinking. In the heat of the moment, who has time to think about how much battery power they have left? Nobody!
It isn’t until after you’ve grabbed her a towel and she rolls over to look at her phone that she’ll start to freak out when she sees her Iphone only has 3% remaining. Know what the next words out of her mouth will be? “Shit, you don’t have an Iphone charger do you?”
You can pick up a multi-connection cable for under $15 and always be prepared for whatever type of phone your date might have.
9.) Absolutely Always Have Breath Mints
Do I seriously need to explain in detail why you should have some Altoids on hand?
10.) Check Around For Left Behind Female Clothing Articles
I’m sort of a stickler about making sure my bed is made. I have this personal life hack where I’ll just throw a heavy blanket down over my comforter and then sleep in a light sheet over the top of it. The following morning, before work I’ll pull them off quickly, fold em up and sometimes toss them in the wash.
More often than not lately, the only time I actually use my comforter is when a woman sleeps over, like Bailey did one Saturday night. Sunday ended up being pretty busy, but like I said I enjoy having my bed made, so I had at least pulled the comforter tight that morning before she left.
Later Sunday night, Samantha had ended up texting me about coming over again. I wasn’t going to turn that down!
I remember after we had finished, she fumbled around with her feet under the covers in an attempt to find her panties. She must have grabbed them by her toes and pulled them up to her hand…except they weren’t hers They weren’t mine either. Instead of the blue lace pair she was expecting, she was instead holding a red thong, a souvenir from the night before with Bailey who apparently couldn’t be bothered to find them and went home commando.
Now, we weren’t exclusive, we hadn’t even had that talk. But, it was awkward and I actually really liked Samantha, but she wasn’t too keen on the situation any more.
Always check your bed sheets.
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