– Actual response from most Tinder matches.
You know what Tinder is, you know why it exists, you know the stigma it has, and you know that the vast majority of matches will end up in the disappointment of no replies, conversations that go nowhere, and girls getting sketched out at the first hint of actually meeting.
But for some of you, the struggle is just getting matches in the first place – and I mean, lots of quality matches. I still hear of guys who say they aren’t matching with anyone. Listen, you can do all the Tinder Courses you want, but realize there are three basic rules to understand.
- Be attractive.
- Don’t be unattractive.
- Fuck the rules.
Fortunately, we are all attractive in our own ways. Without straight-up dishonesty, you have to find a way to express yourself more attractively, and in doing so, honestly, even the most average of guys should be able to get a lot of matches. We all look better than we think we do.
When I started on Tinder, I wasn’t very successful either. I’m 5′-9″ and 160lbs. I’m fit but not particularly muscular. I know I’m attractive enough to date attractive women because I have, but I’m not some ripped model. In more ways than not, I’m just a typical guy and I tend to date typical girls. I’m not there trying to match with Instagram babes by manipulating how I promote myself with online dating, but rather that I just want to effectively present myself authentically and interestingly. My objective is just to match with the people I should be matching with and not try and date way above my caliber.
I’ve compiled a list of ways to put in a little more effort into presenting ourselves better and generating more authentic matches. Over the past month, I’ve matched with well over 200 girls in the area – obviously, that doesn’t mean anything comes of it, but increasing the number of matches you have also increases the number of matches that return similar interest in you beyond a vague swipe.
Use a Variety of Photos
You want to lead in with your best photo offering. Instead of putting up a photo, I actually opted to use a video. Not just any video either, I wanted to showcase the dichotomy of my personality. I downloaded the TikTok app and put together a short video that shows me transition from business suit to ready to party. It highlights both sides of my personality and I can’t express how many girls “heart” this.
Now that you have your “anchor” image, you need to start filling the rest of your slots up with variety. Some people suggest if you have kids, don’t put them on there, but the thing is people are going to see me out and about with my kids in public. I don’t want to waste my time dealing with people that aren’t open to kids. I don’t see it much different than meeting someone with them at the park and it’s easier to be upfront and honest about it. That said, as much as people like my little video, women often come in with “Your girls are sooo cute!”.
I decided to use TikTok because it was a social network all about sharing short little edited videos that made this type of creative media super easy, but I learned it has kind of become a hub as probably the loneliest and most cringe-worthy “dating” app. Making a quick little video like this is super easy on it, though. As in it takes longer to change out of one outfit and into the other. This video here has become the pinnacle of most of my matches. Girls find it creative, unique, it shows off a lot about who I am, and of course, first impressions are super important – especially on Tinder.
This is probably the most efficient form of expressing my personality in a short video clip.
Don’t forget to show off your social life, that you’re a little bit adventurous, and of course, something that shows off a hobby. Girls tend not to find the whole posing with dead animals and fish to be very awesome these days, so maybe avoid those things even if they speak volumes about your love of hunting. Lots of women will be totally cool with dating a hunter, they just get turned off by seeing it in your profile. Let’s not scare them away immediately.
Your Bio Needs to Be Fun, Efficient, Yet Detailed
I always include my height, because dealing with people who find that important will appreciate it. You want to jam as much information in there as possible without a huge block of text. Think resume, not a cover letter. Bullet point who you are and what you’re looking for.
I explain in bullet points who I am and I catch all of the major interests because I’m maximizing the opportunities for other people to connect with at least one. If I mentioned soccer but not video games, people might find it hard to chat unless they like soccer, but by including as much about me as possible we have more options for things they’ll find in common.
I also am sure to highlight that I’m actually interested in going on real dates despite the fact I’m busy. This does 3 things.
- It shows I have a busy life and am not a boring loner.
- Shows choosing to go on a date is prioritizing the girl in my schedule.
- Suggests seriousness – I’m not just chatting to waste time.
I end with the “Just Flowing” because it shows I’m laid back, kind of down for whatever happens, and it opens me up to match with a lot of different people looking for different things. Girls who want one night stands, girls who just need a summer fling until they move for their job, or girls looking for a husband will all connect with that.
I used to spice it up with a few emojis to show I can be fun and give it some color, but I’ve read to avoid them.
Improve Your Instagram
Do you know what girls like to do if they like you? Stalk you a bit.
Give them a taste of your life on Instagram and if they like what they see, they’re going to want more. So they’re going to look at your Instagram and if you don’t have that thing on fleek, you’re missing out. You need to be a brand and sell yourself. If your Instagram isn’t flattering, don’t share it. If you do share it, just make sure you’ve put effort into how you present yourself on there.
You can almost see where I became single and started dating looking at my own personal Instagram. I made an intention to put the effort into the photos I shared from my vacations and not just share them mindlessly like I did when I was in a relationship.
Curate your Instagram in a way that makes you interesting. With Facebook you just share stupid stuff, make the dumbest fucking posts, and have no rhyme or reason to the stuff you share. Don’t do that with Instagram. Make that be your highlight reel and if your highlight reel sucks, then maybe its time to work on yourself a bit more. Don’t fill it with quantity of photos, fill it with quality!
Expand the Range Filter and Travel a Bit
So a while back I was over in Colorado and I ended up meeting a group of girls. I ended up adding all 3 of them on Snapchat and marginally staying in touch, but I realized something as I was talking to them one evening. We can meet people halfway across the globe that we connect with on a deeper level. People will make transitions for careers. They will make transitions for family. Transitions for school.
Girls (and guys) will make transitions for love!
I mean, Ross fell in love with a girl in London before he said Rachel’s name at the alter.
Unless you’ve got something specifically holding you back or they have something locking them into where they are, there’s a hell of a lot of people that would be more than happy to start a fresh new life with a fresh new person in a fresh new location.
So you live 100 miles away right now. So fucking what?
I matched with a girl and took her on a date and learned her ex-boyfriend lived 10 hours away. It was part of the reason it didn’t work out, but not because of the distance, rather that neither of them was interesting in decreasing the distance. But there are people out there that are! There are girls who live in towns of 500 people and some of them are banging hot and their options are limited. Give them options, give them a reason to head out of their boondocks town.
So don’t just expand your filters, but expand your filters and travel. Match with girls 4 hours away, chat with them, and maybe someday take a road trip. It’s all about quantity. The love of your life, the person that speaks to who you are, might not live 5 minutes away or even 30 minutes away. Maybe our soul mate lives 2 hours away!
Pay For Boosts
Listen, I hate to tell you this, but sometimes you’re going to have to reach into your wallet. New users are constantly being added and you have got to get yourself to the top of the stack. So pay a few bucks, boost yourself once in a while, you’ll be happy you did!
When You Match, Don’t Get Weird
Have a couple of really good pick up lines and work the conversation in a way that lets you use them depending upon the direction you want to take the conversation. Your intro should be personal, but light-hearted. “Hi” isn’t memorable. A cheesy dad joke that incorporates her bio is.
Here are a few that seem to work well:
- (Sexual) – If you had to make a fake finger gun, would you use 1 or 2 fingers? Once they answer, you respond in some fashion about how you prefer two fingers – everything is always better with two fingers. The key here is not to get too pervy, just playful innuendo. If you get too weird, you’ve lost.
- (Flirty) – I’ll never be able to take you to a movie theater because you’re looking like a snack and they never let you bring in your own. I usually combine this with a light-handed job at why movie dates are horrible ideas and see what she would be interested in.
- (Sarcastic) – So, this pretty much means we’re married right? The question prompts an answer, and while obviously over the top also implies a huge sense of interest in her.
- (Intriguing) – I don’t think there is a Hallmark Christmas romance that involves online dating. Should we write our own? The girls love this during Christmas season and they’ll generally ask who the leading lady will be or what the story will be about, giving you the opportunity to hit her hopeless romantic side.
Let me know how your Tinder game is going in the comments. Did these suggestions help you improve your game?
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