It seems appropriate for a website titled “Bro, Scrub Your Balls” to actually contribute an article with information on how. There’s a lot of reasons to keep your testicles feeling fresh, but I think we can all agree we’re probably interested in making them be more approachable to women. After all, no girl is going to want to give your raunchy testicles a lick if she’s gagging before she’s even touched them.
Step 1: Trim Your Pubes (Or Not)
You’re going to want to use a set of clippers to cut down the bulk majority of pubic hair. If having a gigantic bush is more your thing, to each their own, but that’s not why you’re reading this. The second you look in the mirror after trimming down your pubes to realize your penis looks 2″ longer, you’ll thank us – and so will your girlfriend.
This is an important step, not just for the illusion of a longer penis, but also because trimming down your pubic hair before shaving (if you intend to) prevents the longer hairs from getting caught in the razor if you don’t have this revolutionary jet razor that keeps the blade clean while lubricating your shave.
Since your ball sack and shaft tend to consist of loose skin, you’re going to want to be extremely careful and pull the skin as tight as possible. We definitely recommend slathering on some shave butter to avoid cuts, regardless.
Speaking of cuts, don’t use the clippers directly on your ball sack or loose shaft skin. The skin is prone to get caught in the clippers and I really don’t know how to make that sound any worse than it already does. Again, just use a razor, pull the skin tight or induce an erection – as if you don’t already do that when you’re in the shower – and shave away!
Step 2: Wash Away The Swamp Ass
It might seem pretty obvious, but my girlfriend is a nurse and she is always amazed at how many people smell like they haven’t wiped their butt in years during a physical. Cleaning your ass crack and balls clean must not be quite as obvious as we might think. So, grab that fucking bar of Dove and a luffa and get to scrubbing. The crotch tends to collect a lot of sweat and dead skin, so just taking a bar of soap to your penis isn’t going to be enough.
Don’t forget to spread those ass cheeks. Hilarious…but seriously, your ass crack smells like cottage cheese after sitting on the couch playing Madden all day.
The BallWash.com company, as their name would imply know their shit, so check them out for your swamp ass defensive needs.
Step 3: Keep ‘Em Dry
The biggest culprit to stinky testicles is moisture. The key here is not just patting your junk off with a towel, but taking it one step further and using an antiperspirant powder or cream. There are a variety of products made specifically for men. FreshBalls is just one such product.
“Fresh Balls® is specially designed to deal specifically with the uncomfortable and unhygienic problems that moisture and bacteria can cause in those “man-regions” – in an all-natural and clump-free way! Our lotion is a quick-drying talc-less formula that dries to a silky-smooth powder to keep you and your best parts moisture-free. And, unlike most deodorants and powders, our natural formula is free of all aluminum, parabens, and talc – just as nature intended.“
Step 4: Wear Moisture-Wicking Underwear
Once you’ve got your manhood smelling clean and approachable, now the objective is to keep it that way throughout the day. Chances are you’re not going to have an opportunity to spruce up if you’re meeting your girlfriend immediately after a 10 hour workday in an office chair. Or maybe you’re going to be in a humid as hell night club for 4 hours before dropping your drawers.
We’re fans of the anti-chafing boxers briefs from Manscaped.com. “House your family jewels in Manscaped boxers – underwear specifically engineered to prevent chafing. Whether lounging around the house or running a marathon, Manscaped boxers will keep you cool and dry all day long.”
Step 5: Enjoy Confidence In Your Ball Sack
Few things are worse than being worried about whether your ball sack smells when you’re hoping your girls going to head south on you after a long day’s work. And when your mind isn’t wondering about whether your crotch smells, you’ll have the confidence to perform better.
So, bro, scrub your balls…literally, go scrub your balls!
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