A Reddit user posted up a letter they found in a bus stop written by a “niceguy” to women. Awhile back, I posted my own open letter to niceguys and after seeing this letter, I thought I might respond to it so they can see exactly where their mindset is absolutely wrong.
The letter starts:
“Why women can’t find a nice guy?”
Is that title of this letter or a question?
“Want full disclosure from a guys view? Ok, here it is.“
Let’s make it clear that this view is from one type of guy. Don’t be bringing me into this bullshit because it isn’t my perspective.
“You’re not looking for him. Worse, you actively ignore him, dismissing him at a glance, often with a dirty look.“
Your perception of this is probably a reflection of your own insecurities. You’re deflecting their resting bitch face glances as directed toward you because you’re so insecure you feel that must be the case. They’re not ignoring you because you’re nice, they’re ignoring you because you feel entitled to their romantic interest for being nice and don’t take kindly to it – hence you feeling the need to write a huge letter.
“Nice guys aren’t like the sports car, perfect thread and bodied jock, cocky, douches you pursue. You want a nice guy, but you demand that he has a perfect body, a perfect face, perfect features with a personality designed for you, you expect him to have a great job and drive a nice car. You expect perfection.“
Shouldn’t we all love exactly who we love? Nobody should settle for less than what they absolutely want to fall in love with, otherwise, you end up being “loved” by someone that just decided to settle for you but continues to have eyes for other people. If you can’t walk into a room with someone and think “hell yes!” I’m glad to be with him/her, you have no business being with them.
Instead of playing victim at not being good enough for anyone, why not take a hard look at what you can do better to meet other people’s standards. You think you deserve the girl with a rocking hard gym body when you spend more time checking out women from your computer desk than at the actual gym.
“You refuse to be the rock that become the foundation for the formation of such a man, you demand a finished product. You forget we are human. A person betters themselves through caring critique and loving guidance from peers, not dirty looks and insults.“
Buddy, we are all a work in progress, but it is no one else’s responsibility to build us up. Being in a relationship can certainly help us improve who we are, but it isn’t very attractive to expect other people to be your motivation only once they decide to date you. Can we stop believing we have to have other people “complete us“, because how the fuck can you build someone else up whenever you can’t even build yourself up? Why not work to better yourself with the motivation to be more valuable on the dating scene by yourself?
“If you’re one of the model types caked in makeup chances are your default treatment of others is the latter. This is because no one ever insulted you, or even if so when you insulted others it made people laugh it made you feel accepted and good about yourself.“
You make the mistake of assuming other people must not deal with their own insecurities. You make the mistake of expecting that other people should notice your existence as though you are special. Your entitlement is leaking and it isn’t attractive to anyone.
Everyone – and I mean everyone = is dealing with a struggle you know jack shit about.
“At the same time you created the opposite influence in that person’s life, ultimately destroying them. I’m a nice guy, with potential for greatness, I don’t flaunt it, I’m not cocky, flashy or arrogant, maybe a bit bit angry at a vain society, but overall I’m a teddy bear, harmless, shy, but nice.“
You’re a “nice guy” that’s literally tearing down other people’s personalities you deem are too perfect. If you have the potential for greatness, why don’t you secure that greatness by yourself? I can assure you if you have the potential for greatness, you don’t need a woman in your life to find it and imagine how great you’ll be once you attain that greatness and combine it with your “perfect” personality. Angry at a vain society? Clearly…
“I see it every day, perfect looking guys either trying to get laid running shirtless to get attention, or obnoxiously in the most arrogant manner, driving the brand new sports car their mommy and daddy bought them.“
Ironic. I see it every day, “nice guys” either trying to get laid by writing letters about how nice they are or obnoxiously, in the most arrogant manner, sliding into random girl’s inboxes from the comfort of their mom’s basement to tell that girl who she should and shouldn’t be attracted to and why…only to demean her at the sign of rejection.
“Here’s why those guys are ALWAYS jerks. Like the most flawless girls, they to made it through adolescence unscathed by destroying others self-esteem. They’ve never been rejected, and are desired by all, they have no idea what it feels like to feel gross or ugly, to be weary of their every flaw, to even have flaws.“
I’m not butt hurt about these so-called jerks and I live my entire life with Psoriasis? Of course, they’ve been rejected. Have you not seen the divorce rates of celebrity couples? Have you not seen all the hot people on Tinder? If they never got rejected, they wouldn’t need to be on dating apps, hot people wouldn’t be divorced, and there would be no need to white knight their dating life because everyone attractive would forever be in love.
“This gives them an inflated ego and they feel the need to exert their delusions of dominance on others. One such guy would angrily tear this down to prevent any girl catching wind of one’s true nature. What I see every day is this, the vainest and beautiful accepting each other and only each other, those with flaws are simply cast aside from all that makes life worthwhile.”
So, you’re the only type of personality that makes life worthwhile. Just because people don’t associate with you doesn’t make them bad people. Is it possible you’re just working way too hard to date and associate with the wrong people?
“A cute girl walks by a nice guy, she immediately looks away, at her phone, or at him with a look that says, “don’t you dare think you’re worthy of me.” Then she might be like “why can’t I meet a nice guy?“
Uh, people don’t think you’re weird because you’re nice. You’re weird because you ninja sprint to class and write letters obsessing over girls that don’t like you on why they are shitty people because you’re just “too nice”.
“Here’s why, aside from avoiding them, you repel them, you use makeup and yoga pants to deter the best guys, by physically giving of such a vain image that screams, “I only date guys who look like Justin Bieber.”
For these types of girls repelling you, you sure do want to date them pretty badly!
“Want to change that? Save yourself the cash and throw away the makeup or give it away. You don’t need it, embrace your flaws, have acne scars, or blemishes, guess what, a real man doesn’t care, you’re still sexy and beautiful.“
Thank you for gatekeeping what a real man wants! You know, I love it when girls don’t wear makeup and I love when they do. It doesn’t matter to me either way, but women should just wear what makes them happy. I bet you that them embracing their flaws any more would have no bearing on whether they’d be interested in you because their lack of interest is natural to their brain chemistry and has nothing to do with what you think it has to do with.
“We like flaws it makes us so much less insecure about our own flaws and makes you more approachable.“
Oh, now I get it. It has nothing to do with a girl feeling secure and happy with herself without makeup – it is all about you feeling better about yourself.
“The yoga pants are intimidating because they cause our mating instincts to impede our logic and emotions, and cause car accidents, save them for yoga or the bedroom please.“
If you are that distracted by a pair of pants, you have some real problems.
“A nice guy (from experience in adolescence) is too smart to approach a girl he perceives to be out of his league, he knows it’ll end in him being hurt and her being angry for him mustering the audacity. Women are equal, so why doesn’t a girl try approaching a guy for a change, I think I’d crap bricks if a girl ever approached me and expressed interest, would I be mean? Hell no!“
Clearly, you are so smart to avoid these types of girls that you go to great lengths on why they shouldn’t avoid you.
“I’d be fighting the urge to wrap her in a bear hug I’d be so grateful.“
That’s socially awkward and yet another key to why the problem isn’t because you’re nice.
“You have no idea how hard you make it on nice guys to come anywhere near to talking to you. You always give off an aura of hate or malice, it keeps us away. Jerks will always approach you because they haven’t been stripped of their pride and esteem, so they know they can get what they want, even if it’s just for one night. so you want a nice guy? change, be nice, approachable.“
Maybe the problem is because you let things strip you of your pride and self-esteem. Don’t be so petty to let rejection strip you of your self-love. Be approachable, learn socially acceptable ways to communicate and stop requiring other people to be your motivation to improve!
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