The 10 Girls You Might Date Before ‘The One’

It is reckless to make broad generalizations about any group of people.

– Roger Ebert

Finding “the one” is no simple task. Once you’re out there presenting yourself confidently, you’ll begin meeting a wide variety of women that will help you narrow down your “type”. This often leads us into uncharted territory, dating the girls our friends warned us about, the girls we really hoped would keep their attitude in check when we introduced them to our mom, and sometimes the girls we just had no clue what we were thinking. Here are 10 types of girls we think many guys will find themselves dating before they meet the one that just matches with their soul.

Oh, and Roger Ebert probably wouldn’t give this two thumbs up because we’re about to make some very broad generalizations.

The High School Sweet Heart

She’ll be your first of many things – your first awkward date, your first kiss, and maybe your first handy in the parking lot. Maybe she’ll even be your first experience putting on a condom at prom. She’s the one wearing your football jersey on Friday nights in the high school yearbook or falling asleep on your shoulder on a band trip. Either way, you were walking down the hall hand in hand feeling like “the couple” everyone was talking about. And why wouldn’t they, you were perfect for each other…until you weren’t.

You spent your senior summer planning your futures and how it would all work out. You would talk for hours on the phone the first few weeks of college and then eventually you just started making new friends and putting the priority of your relationship on hold. The big university had so much more to offer than small town, main street USA. You didn’t really even have a break up so much as you just drifted apart. You’re amicable with each other and now you just comment on each other’s Facebook statuses as a reminder of a love you used to share.

The Daddy’s Princess

This girl very well could be the one that follows the high school sweetheart. She seems great! She’s the girl next door type, family-oriented, and super excited to bring you home to meet her dad at Christmas break. Her bond with her dad only seems to initially make her more attractive – she hunts and fishes!?!? It seems absolutely amazing until you realize that not only does she expect you to spoil her just like her daddy does, but absolutely everything you do will be compared and tattled to him.

Daddy will pay for her 1st class ticket to fly her home, and if you can only afford coach, you’ll be flying alone buddy! And that’s probably okay because it’ll give you some time to think about all the times her dad was thought of over you. Remember the time she ran out of gas and called her dad who lives 500 miles away for help, but didn’t think to call you, her boyfriend, who was merely 5 minutes away…yeah, in fact she doesn’t just think of her daddy first, she puts a priority on dad with everything she does. Want to see your dad on Father’s Day next year, instead? Sorry buddy, you’ll be alone for that, too.

Again, that’s probably fine, because you’ll be able to think about how you’re going to break up with her.

The Bad Girl

And maybe just date the girl that doesn’t have a father figure at all. I mean, the girl with “daddy issues” has got to be easier than the spoiled brat daughter. She’s a bad girl, hot in her ripped jeans, biker babe t-shirt, and sexy tattoo sleeves. You’re not always sure what color hair you’ll be staring at when you look down while she’s working your knob, but does it really matter!? She sure as hell knows how to suck a dick. Her pas is exciting and dramatic, and you feel like you’re finally a breath of fresh air for her and give her some stability in her life.

Unfortunately, she’s just not ready for a good, stable guy like you and you realize the expectation to be choked in bed is leaking out into everyday life. You begin to feel as though she craves drama and wants to create volatility in the relationship. The reality isn’t so much that that’s what she wants, just that she hasn’t experienced anything different in her life to make stability normal. And so while she finds what you offer her to be attractive and kind, it is difficult for her to escape the normality of toxicity to a point she begins to create it between you.

The Trauma Bonded

You meet her at a bar. She’s doing shots of tequila to get over an ex she absolutely can’t stop talking about. You write her off as being drunk and hit it off, bonding over shitty stories of exes. Suddenly, you find yourself endearing of her southern charm and absolutely pissed that some other guy could have treated her so badly and you want to be “the difference” for her. You become her yin to his abusive yang.

She will find you, call you to complain about her ex, and tell you how terrible he is. At first, you’ll support her…for a while! Because eventually you will question why she doesn’t just break contact with him and you’ll realize that as much as she suggests she hates him, she’s still in love with him and unable to commit to you.

The Rebounder

Seemingly better than someone that can’t commit to you is the one who seems committed only to back up when she realizes she isn’t ready for a new relationship. She’s fresh on the market and ready to mingle, but she hasn’t yet gotten over her break up. She might call you every day on her lunch break, she might even actually genuinely like you, which is also why she will just disappear with only a mere text to say “you’re very sweet, but she’s just not ready for a relationship” You’ll be left feeling confused and question why.

The answer is simply that she isn’t at home with a gallon of ice cream and a bottle of wine to get over you, she’s at home pigging out on junk food still trying to get over him. She’s breaking it off with you because she’s sobbing over the guy she tried to replace you with and felt like she was stringing you unfairly along as just a distraction. There’s nothing wrong with you and there’s nothing wrong with her, but right now she was just missing a relationship and trying to replace one a bit prematurely.

The Punch Above Your Weight Class

She’s absolute, fucking gorgeous and she took note when you and the “rebounder” posted those cute selfies on Facebook – you know because girls are attracted to guys who are with other girls. You drive a Honda and her last boyfriend drove a Porsche. You work in sales and her last boyfriend was a regional sales manager. You’re friends all want to know the secret of how you’re shagging a girl out of your league.

You’re not quite sure yourself…which is exactly what will be your downfall. You’ll either put her on a pedestal and constantly question your confidence as though you aren’t worthy of her (you are if she chose to date you) or you’ll realize the substance of your relationship with her is her looks and nothing more.

The Valedictorian

She’s secretly a little kinky and a little too pretentious to admit she read “50 Shades of Grey”. She’s smart and cute in a nerdy way. What she lacks in the party girl personality she makes up for with career ambition. She’s intelligent, conversing about things too in-depth for the gossip of most salon chairs, and she can be found nose deep in a novel about as often as a textbook.

But she has an image to upkeep and just as she’s too pretentious to admit she read “50 Shades…” she is also not the type of girl that wants to be associated with a guy who is best known for shotgunning Busche Lite. She’s educated and classy and when you’re frat boy side gets to be a little much for her, she’s going to leave that nonsense behind. Let her, because her appearance of perfection is forcing you to live a lifestyle that sucks!!! You need a beer pong partner, not a girl that thinks Mike’s Hard Lemonade with a Steven King novel is a wild night.

The Stage 5 Clinger

Her obsession with you is great at first until she calls the police with a missing person’s report for not texting her back within twenty minutes after snapping nonsense for an hour. You are her everything and she’s willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy unless that happiness requires you to break contact for any sort of period of time. She’ll stalk you on Snap Maps and wonder what you’re doing at the store. If you reply “buying groceries” she will laugh it off and they want you to call her on the way home to tell her everything about your shopping trip.

Then you will talk with her the entire way home and she will scoff at the idea you might want to listen to the radio and not actually have the phone up to your ear until the minute you reach her house – because God forbid you not see her. Don’t have anything to talk about with her? No problem, she will just want to hear you breathe.

The Oblivious “Sister”

Why is she the “sister”? Because all her friends are male. Why is she oblivious? Because she legitimately thinks none of them want to get in her pants. She’s the girl that has trouble making female friends and instead suggests that it’s just easier for her to get along with other guys because they’re less dramatic. She says “there’s nothing to worry about” when she’s texting other guys nonstop since they’re all just basically her brothers, but if you text another girl, she is going to sic one of those guys on you!

She gets a pass to emotionally cheat on you with male “friends” who you know are going to pinpoint your flaws when she complains to them in hopes they’ll seal the deal with her instead, but you’re held to a higher standard because, well, if you’re talking to another girl that must mean something more…hypocritical much!!!

The Tax Collector

She likes you…for your money! and She’ll continue to love you (for your money) so long as you can continue providing that lifestyle. But she has no problem moving on to someone who has more money or can provide her a better lifestyle (even if they make less). She’s out there for attention, she’s materialistic, and really only cares about herself. She will never be your ride or die because she only loves you under the conditions that you’re riding in style.

And then you find, the One!

She’s everything you loved about all the other girls in the perfect combination, so hold out for her. Talking with her brings back the sweet innocence of high school love. She has a great relationship with her father, but in a healthy way that still puts a priority on you – and her dad loves you, too. She’s just the right amount of naughty – great in bed and down to experience new adventures with you.

She’s been through enough shitty guys to realize you’re different, so she appreciates your good qualities, but she isn’t trauma bonded to an ex. She’s as enthusiastic to be with you as the rebound girl was, but you’re not just a rebound of enthusiasm for being with ANYONE, she’s enthusiastic to be with YOU. She’s gorgeous and ambitious, and she’s just the right amount of obsessed with you. Oh, and your guy friends love her company, too ’cause she’s cool like that! She wants to see you succeed, not because it benefits her but because she genuinely wants you to do better in life.

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Hi, I spewed out all the shit you just read! I like long walks on the beach (but I'm mostly surrounded by cornfields), challenging the status quo of the dating scene, fucking all the rules of dating and encouraging men to live their best life. When I'm not trying to keep the lights on around here and raise two little girls, you can find me drinking and partying - you know the key Wallstreet success...ballin'.

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