I Got Third Wheeled On My Own Tinder Date

Isiah is pretty nice, but I think I only like him as a friend. I’ll go home with you tonight.

– Katie from Tinder

I had matched with Katie on a Wednesday night. Her Instagram profile was a mixture of confident bikini poses and comfy sweaters. She was a Hooters girl, too. It was like the perfect combination of a girl I could bring home to meet the family for Christmas but would also drop the jaws of my buddies. Best of all, she was messaging back and we were having great conversations.

We had talked off and on for a few nights and had a date lined up for an upcoming weekend, and the following Tuesday night after matching with her I was relaxing at home when my phone lit up.

Katie: “Hey, I’m heading to the Tap in bit to watch a band. You should come!

I took probably the fastest shower of my life, responded I’d be there in 30 minutes and headed out to meet her.

When I finally arrived, she texted to meet her out back while she grabbed a smoke. I worked my way through a small crowd of people and opened the back door to find Katie dragging on a cigarette. She was in sweats, clearly dressed without first impressions in mind, and also surrounded by a handful of male patrons that had taken interest in the only mid 20s female in the place that night.

We hug briefly, awkwardly exchanged a couple “nice to meet you” lines and then she put her cigarette butt out and motioned to the door…and this moment becomes the defining moment of my first Tinder horror story.

As we head inside, I realize that we’re being followed to a table in the corner by another guy. I pull out a chair, sit down as she does the same and then the most bizarre thing happens.

Katie turns to him and says, “This is Isiah!

I look at him and he looks at me.

I sat there just processing the idea that I was becoming a third wheel on my own Tinder date. This was not something I had ever considered having to deal with.

“So, like…you guys…know each other?”, I asked.

I learned he wasn’t just some random guy from the bar that decided to drunkenly stumble into our conversation. Oh, no. This guy was invited by Katie just around the same time she invited me. She didn’t have a car and needed a ride.

Then she cranked up the weird on the situation even further.

She had just met the guy two nights earlier and they had exchanged numbers. It was pretty obvious he was into her. And, it was pretty obvious she had invited us both out as though we were going to fucking compete for her – I sure as hell was not.

So part of me is thinking, I need to fucking bail because this is ridiculous.

But there’s another part of me that was thinking I have got to see how this is going to play out.

We end up playing pool and he is just feeding her drinks all night long. At this point, I’m just observing, but I couldn’t buy her a drink even if I wanted to because he was on it as soon as her glass was nearly empty. He was getting hands-on with her, helping her line up her shots and she is just glancing up at me with these wondering eyes that can’t seem to figure out why I’m so quiet…or maybe she was thinking I’d find the idea of watching her bum up against his crotch arousing. I didn’t.

Then I start wondering if maybe, just maybe, this is some sort of sick swingers joke and they’re in a relationship or something. Maybe they’re just feeling me out for his cuckold fantasy or some shit.

Isiah headed off to the bathroom and she walks over with her beer (that he bought for her), chugs it and says, “Isiah is pretty nice, but I think I only like him as a friend. I’ll go home with you tonight.” Umm, no…no you’re not.

I mean, I suppose I could have had an easy lay there, especially with some other guy putting all the effort in, but it just didn’t feel right. I got my entertainment from being a part of the situation, but I just couldn’t bring myself to validate to her that this was an appropriate way for a guy to find her attractive. So I told her I just wasn’t feeling it because I just didn’t like the vibe of her inviting this other guy but appreciated the opportunity to play pool.

Think you have a date that beats that? I’d love to hear what stories you guys have!

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Hi, I spewed out all the shit you just read! I like long walks on the beach (but I'm mostly surrounded by cornfields), challenging the status quo of the dating scene, fucking all the rules of dating and encouraging men to live their best life. When I'm not trying to keep the lights on around here and raise two little girls, you can find me drinking and partying - you know the key Wallstreet success...ballin'.

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